Some explanation why I was MIA and quick update of my life. Hope to stick around!
It’s been a long while since I stopped writing and a lot has changed. I feel like you always hear that everywhere “a lot has changed since…” well it’s been more than a year and I have a lot to say and explained and hopefully help out in some areas from what I had to live through.
So for starters I now have a almost 4 week old baby (surprise!!). My newborn’s name is Eddard Anthony. So since that cat is out of the box we can move on to our next subject. I’ve been a stay at home mom for about 6 months now. I unfortunately lost my job back in December when I was about 4 months pregnant due to the company having financial difficulties. It’s been rough not going to lie and I am still trying to figure out why did God decided that I needed to take this road. I felt like I had a family within that company and I felt secured and comfortable but at last things changed and I was shaken up. I tried looking for a job when I was still pregnant and even though it is ilegal to discriminate against someone in my situation I felt like they were doing that and would not give me the opportunity. The first weeks I felt discouraged and sad that I was unable to find a job. I felt useless. My husband kept assuring me that everything will be ok and we would get through all of this together. So here I am almost 1 month postpartum and trying to figure out a way to stay at home and help out financially.
So as I sit here breastfeeding my baby I find myself googling (is that an actually word?) “stay at home mom jobs” and one of the top choices was blogging and so here I am. I also want to give it another try to my YouTube channel 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 and hope I can be consistent to it. If you find yourself reading this in a few months or even years and there is no more or hardly any posts after then you know I didn’t continued with it BUT if I actually did please know that the only reason I did was to prove myself worthy of something and to actually succeed and keep pushing yourself to do something is not easy but also not impossible. So here it goes all of nothing, what can I loose right? I already lost several weeks just binge watching severa Netflix shows and a few movies too (if you want suggestions let me know!)
Since the day I found out I was pregnant with my first (and only kid for now) a lot of mixed emotions became of me. Of course the first feeling was happiness. Ever since I was a little girl I always saw myself being a mother. I always thought it was the most ultimate best feeling. But with that happiness the fear followed. The fear of not knowing how to be a mother. I mean I have never been one before at least not to a real human baby only to plastic dolls. How was I supposed to know if I was doing things right or at the right time? Very shortly after that excitement and anxiety kicked in. All these feelings within less than a minute. I know it might sound crazy to some but I am sure some of mothers out there will understand exactly what I am talking about, specially first time moms. Well here I am almost 2 years later raising a beautiful baby boy who is the light of my eyes and my motor to keep going every day. He is one of the reasons why I keep wanting to be not just a better mother but a better person.
Very soon in my pregnancy I realized that everything I did as a person it would affect my baby. First during my pregnancy, then during our breastfeeding journey and through it all during my motherhood. Now my toddler is one and as I see how not just this country but the whole world is turning out I get scared. It might sound over dramatic but at times as I lay down at night I start thinking all the consequences my actions affect his childhood. I know it is impossible to raise a perfect children or to be a perfect parent and not make mistakes because one thing I always say we were not born knowing this. I do not judge for how each parent raises their kids, but we as parents do play a big roll in our kid’s life. What I am trying to say is that if you worry if you are doing something wrong it means you are doing something right. When I worry of something I ask other moms or turn to the internet and seek for articles from doctors and experts but I don’t base my self in just one person or one article I try and find out what different methods have worked for different parents. Seeking information is always the best way and trying different things gets you to places you want to be. And one thing is for sure that the game plan is always changing once you think you got it packed down something changes and it’s all over again down from the start. If there is any new, semi new or not so new moms out there that want to talk or just vent or have questions I encourage you to seek for others. Find a nice group on Facebook or other websites, don’t be afraid of being judge and do not take to heart when someone tries to give you an advise. You are not doing everything wrong but there might be some things that you don’t know and someone else does. I am also here. Shoot me a message and we can get talking and learn more about our different experience. That’s what living is all about learning something new every day.
As I sit in my small office at my job and contemplate my life, I am honestly grateful to God for everything that I have gone through not just in the past year or two but since I have a conscience of reasoning. I mean, I am not a traumatized child or had a horrible childhood, considering that I was raised in a Mexican home and whenever I was not in compliance with what my mom, grandma or aunt ordered me to do I would get spanked with the “chancla” (sandal or slipper as per google translator), and/or yelled at, I can say I had an average childhood. I remember playing outside until it was dark and at night after praying the rosary with my family I would lay down and have the windows open from our room so the cool breeze from the RGV (Rio Grande Valley) would comfort me to sleep.
When I was that small I did not appreciate everything that life had to offer me. The blessing of having all my family together and the obvious fact that I think every adult misses from childhood, no bills and not much responsibility. Now my grandma has been with the Lord for the past 12 years and our family has not been the same since her departure.
Now I realize how blessed I am to have everything I have not just material wise but spiritual, health, and love wise. So that’s my advise to you today, stop for a moment and breath it all in. Everything you have gone through and now you are where you are. If this is a high point in your life be thankful and just enjoy it. If at the moment you are at a low point in your life, count the small blessings you do have and remember not everything is permanent so this too shall pass.